And now, for something completely different!

My last two blogs are a little angry/whiny. Sorry about that. I'd like to mention something that makes me HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! I LOVE to conduct music, particularly hymnal or sacred music. If I could conduct the "Hallelujah Chorus" with the Tabernacle Choir, the rest of my "bucket list" would be irrelevant. This past Saturday I put together a music workshop for my Stake. It's the first one they've ever had, so about 10 people showed up, but I didn't care. We had an organ class, choral conducting, and basic congregational conducting. I taught the basic congregational conducting class and I loved it. Two of my favorite things together - conducting and teaching - it makes me happy just thinking about it. Most people in the church conduct improperly. We just think if we know a beat pattern that's enough. Actually it is enough, but it is fun to do it right. Give me a good prep beat and strong ictus baby, and I'm yours!

Hmmm, maybe I just have thing about being in front of people. Singing, conducting, teaching, public speaking, acting. Of course, singing, I don't care if anyone hears me or not, I just love to do it anyway. But the other stuff makes me wonder if I'm a little desperate for attention - you know, 6th in a family of 8 kids and all. Or maybe, these things are my gifts and it makes me happy to use them. I choose the latter (even if the former hypotheses is a little true too ;).

Time is free, yet priceless

My sister Liz and I were talking about our unrealized business ideas and ended up questioning ourselves as to the need for us to have said businesses. Is it really necessary for us to immediately give up our free time the second our last child enters school ? (my last child is now in Jr. High - so clearly it's a moot point for me). My husband noticed that this past week I've been the happiest he's seen me in a while (his perception that I must be happy is I initiate... intimacy). What's funny is that I was feeling guilty about the fact that I did as little as possible in the things I have to do; I ended up reading a 450 page book ("Mr. Darcy takes a wife" - hence my need for initiating things), played the piano for an hour and a half, and watched all my tivo'ed shows. OF COURSE I was happy! I feel like I should be helping with our income now, does that mean I am required to - when I don't HAVE to? It's not that I still don't contribute to our family, I still drive all over the place, make food, launder STINKY hockey, lacrosse, basketball stuff, have a Stake calling, 3 ward callings incl. ward camp director, etc. It's not like I do nothing all day - EVERY day. Is it wrong to enjoy my new (okay, 6 year) freedom? The thing is, I haven't allowed myself to enjoy it, because of the guilt. Maybe I just haven't found the right thing yet. Honestly, though - commit my time to another boss, when I finally have a little relief from the "bosses" I already have? Actually, I feel it is my obligation to enjoy my free time as much as possible for those that can't :). I am so done with guilt for no reason. I am resolved to own my time and enjoy it no matter what others feel I should be doing. When I'm ready to fill my days with more responsibility, I will - on MY TIME!